Monday, August 24, 2009

The Art of Lowering a Woman's Defences

Ah life in the sea, full of cargo ships happily chugging along with assets. Cargo ships come in all kinds of sizes, shapes, colours and various other characteristics. Some have bublous bows, long bodies or large rear engines that splash against the water in a noticeable fashion. Nice sails and well applied paintwork are also present on some. Ask any admirer of cargo ships and they will tell you which kind they like best.

These ships carry various kinds of attractive cargo across the sea and as you all well know cargo simply does not come for free.

A Pirate ship suddenly appears from nowhere, a sneak attack usually comes from the rear. A good Pirate always knows to fire his first shot at the engine crippling the cargo ship, leaving it stranded at sea.

Sometimes the cargo ship captain spots the Pirate in advance and fires up the engines in an attempt to escape, or the first shot misses the engine. It is at this point that a fast paced pursuit begins. The Pirate shouts words at the Cargo ship, designed to lower the morale of the crew, to try and slow them down.

Sometimes the Cargo ship escapes, but other times the Pirates successfully stop the cargo ship, either by megaphone or by a swift cannon shot to the engine. Soon the attacking ship encircles the stranded one, firing shots to probe the defences, gauging the make and nature of the ship. The Cargo ship sends distress calls to other Cargo ships for assistance. "Help? We're being fired upon! What can we do?"

Sometimes help arrives and the Pirates are forced to flee. Other times the pirates manage to get their anchors across and begin to board. Now it is at this point a distinction in pirates makes itself apparent. The more common pirate begins to pillage the ships precious cargo, taking what they want and see fit. Once they are done they de-anchor and leave. More benovelent pirates on the otherhand are quite happy to trade cargo and hang around for a bit. Sometimes they even give up a life of piracy and switch to protective Gunboat duty.

Gunboats are pretty plain ships with big cannons. Mainly protective in nature they are often less shiny in appearance and not as maneuverable. However they are highly reliable and come to aid cargo ships in distress. They signal their approach from far away and are very easy to spot. A Gunboat always performs Gunboat duty and captains only accept cargo that is given freely and with consent. They don't get too close to Cargo ships for Gunboats are hard to steer and sometimes clunky collisions occur.

Depending on the Cargo ship captain, sometimes the tact of a pirate is desired. Some want to be pillaged, while others want the pirate to eventaully turn in to a Gunboat. Often though as Cargo ships age, their hulls become resistant to superficial gunfire and burdens become heavier, causing captains tend to look for Gunboats for security and stability in the raging waters of the sea.

The clashing philosophies of Gunboats and Pirate ships often collide. A Gunboat can't really keep up with a Pirate ship, but that doesn't stop Gunboats from patrolling the sea. Sometimes clever pirates masquerade as Gunboats before getting up close. How can you spot these? Do their guns look like they've been fired a lot? Does the flag look like it was hastily put up? These could be signs but are no assurance.

But once Gunboats and Pirates dock at the harbour, all differences are forgotten. The crews mingle together and talk. Pirates tell tales of sucessful chases and pillaging urging Gunboaters to switch to piracy, that its a better and more satisfying way of life. Gunboaters argue that they don't want to, gunboating is all they know and all they want to know. Eventually though all pirates must one day hang up their hats.


  1. Haha...yaarr matey ready to find Devy John's Locker??

  2. Lmao!
    How did I miss this?
    Funny stuff and also,
    "large rear engines that splash against the water in a noticeable fashion"

    *raises eyebrow* =P