I've just had an epiphany thinking about the Dilemma of my own and of a friend. Please bear with me, this idea comes to me late in the night/ early in the morning, the time when most of my inspiration hits.
It is my belief that there are in fact 2 kinds of love. The real kind and the hyper kind.
The Hyper Kind:
This is the one we all commonly fall for. Super heated excitement. Heart Beating faster, we fumble around, tongues get tied and that person is on our minds all the time. We can think of nothing else. Its exciting, it involves dying for someone, loving someone so much that it hurts. Its dramatic.
I'm going to tell you now that this is not real love at all, but a madness, a temporary insanity driven by unbridled passion. Your entire being is swallowed up by this. You feel it is your entire life.
This kind of love is what I like to call 'the game'. Women love to chase that hard to obtain guy. Some guys are the same. It's exciting, its romantic, its dazzling. 'Ohh... how can I win him over? How can I get him to see me?' Its that chic flic kind of lets resolve everything in 2 hrs kind of thing. Its cheap self satisfaction, but it is so strong. But what happens once the guy/girl is caught? The excitement is over... and then the part where the real love should be comes in. The relationship can carry on due to established routine, can even get as far as marriage, but it will fall apart eventually, or carry on miserably, or in the most unusual scenario... the two people may unglamourously actually fall in love.
Is more of a choice. It's not glamorous, its not exciting. Its mundane, necessary and not really ever lasting. It involves going on your daily business over and over again.
Relationships are easy when there is a lot going on, people trying to stop you etc, but the hardest part of a relationship is when there is nothing going on, the perfectly mundane, the everyday. This is the part we never really see in our Hollywood movies which instead give us the thrilling on rails part. We never see the everyday part where our hero buys the bread and groceries for his wife or anything mundane? Why? Simply because its not exciting.
Real love is no where as intense as Hyper Love. Its a soft tender feeling for someone that you have. You don't want to die for that person or any shit like that, but you choose to stay with that person for no real reason exactly. It's not quantifiable. They are the ones in your life everyday. They are there for you in a quiet unexciting way. Most people fail to realize this. That's why you have the affair, when the Hyper Love comes knocking on your door, its exciting, trailblaizing and quite frankly far 'better'. Woah... my heart is beating so fast. Its like a drug.
But real love is where you stop yourself going over for such short sighted thrills. You decide the person you are with everyday is worth more than that cheap short thrill. Its not glamorous, its not exciting, but you do it because you truly love that person. Its not easy, it requires hard work. It involves sacrifice, and life changing long term compromise (but not cripplingly so). If your not willing to do this, then your not ready for something serious.
Its trivial, mundane, repititive and its beauty can only be seen when viewing the whole relationship. Any one day will never usually be that exciting. But sometimes we remind the other that we are together because we do love each other, whether its with a rose, a box of chocolates or some other small gesture that neither one is going to run and tell their friends "oh my god, oh my god.... he bought me another box of chocolates!!" or "I just bought my wife another rose... COOL"
This thought comes to me when a friend tells me her good friend settled with what I dubbed a 'nice safe man' which seemed to puzzle my friend. Its because that's the real lasting kind of love. Its a choice, one that you can stray from anytime...the one that requires all the commitment and hardwork. The one about paying the bills, sending the kids to school, doing the laundry, worrying about the mortgage. The one they'll never make a movie of, the one no one wants to hear about.
That's real love.
This post was inspired as a solution to a problem. But now suddenly at 3:00 in the morning this movie I saw a few years back comes to mind and makes greater sense. I see now that it is far more beautiful than I ever thought it was. Watch it and you'll understand what I mean.
Away from Her