Sunday, February 7, 2010

Relationship Randoms

When people see a guy and girl hanging around together everyone automatically assumes that there is something going on. While naturally there is a strong precedent for such a belief as people of different genders hanging out together as a duet generally does convey an image of being a couple.

Sometimes however people really are just friends, but this doesn’t stop others from making a world of assumptions. This isn't the only form of speculation, so lets look at some others.

First off as a guy, there is sometimes the tendency to take even the slightest bit of attention from a woman as a message that ‘she likes me’. This is quite common I would argue. Secondly if a woman gets touchy with a guy it also sends more signals confirming the previous statement.
However looking at it from a female perspective the same actions can mean two different things and it really depends on the woman. Yes for some women being all touchy is clearly a message that says ‘Let’s Go’ but really I think that’s rare and more so in Sri Lanka. If anything it just means that a woman is comfortable with the guy and doesn’t even think of him in that way. But the guy on the other hand gets a complete wrong idea. In fact sometimes a woman who really likes someone will do the complete opposite by being distant from them and never daring to venture in to the physical realm.

Why? It’s quite simply really because it’s all in their heads. It’s the way they are thinking about it. If they like someone then the physical stuff actually means something. If they don’t like someone then it’s just like slapping a buddy on the back. So as a guy it’s probably important to not read too much in to the actions of women… after all we have no way of reading their minds as much as much as they might want us to be able to!

But let us not forget that there are some women who deliberately convey the wrong idea all for a bit of attention. They are out there. I assure you. Some guys do this too... but perhaps with more 'sinister' motives behind their actions!

On the other hand there are also some guys with a serious lack of exposure who know next to nothing about women. One creepy individual that I spoke to seemed to think that he could get married after a single date. That’s right… a SINGLE date! Ok… that’s not creepy right? Well he also seemed to be under the impression that his wife would be his sex slave. I listened to him with my jaw on the floor and when I tried to tell him that it wasn’t really going to be that way he insisted that he, I quote “would make her do it”. I pity his wife should he ever get married. The guy is 27 years old and clueless.

I'm sure there are also some women who have no idea what a man really is. Some even venture in to marriage before they really find out. Exposure can be (and I don't mean physical) so important.

Seems to me a lot of men just get married to have sex, especially in the more rural areas/or people with less education. A friend of mine had a servant in his house. She was going to leave because she was going to get married. My friend was telling me that her man was repeatedly saying “I love you baby… I love you baby” in what I assumed was generally a meaningless conversation. My reaction was “oh oh… that doesn’t sound good’ based on the stuff I mentioned before.

Anyway surprise surprise a while in to the marriage the woman had enough. She wanted to come back and work at my friend’s house. It’s not that the man was evil he was just thinking with the wrong body parts. It happens to every guy I would imagine at some point in time. And I don’t mean he was abusing her in any way. It’s just that going in to something with only a single idea in your mind is going to be a disaster. Maybe it’s the over importance that is ascribed to sex that makes people believe that it’s the entire world. All the guys I’ve ever spoken to confirm that it just doesn’t really change your life all that much. It’s an experience but not of life altering proportions.

Anyway this entire topic seems so murky with so little scientific analysis on it despite it potentially forming a significant part of our lives. Strange isn’t it?


  1. Btw My uncle got engaged to my aunt right after their first date and lives happily now in USA. Maybe they were meant to be blah.. blah.. or just bloody desperate at that time. I do not know whether my aunt is a sex slave or not but when they came down here last August they reminisced about their old times and according to them they were very happy that they found each other at that time.

    In my view one does not has to try every thing that is proven 100% working for relationships. its just too different just as the difference between 2 individuals.

    OR he/she can follow e rules. Just like they say in LOST "do what the island says you to do and you will be safe". You might succeed who the hell knows.

  2. Analysing love scientifically is like analysing faeries... Not that I don't believe it exists, but people seem to expect so much from their future man/woman right? Without being ready to give anything back, or to make any compromises. How can you love and expect to be loved if you're such a selfish bastard?! :/